5 odd couples
by Gul Bricett
Summary: - and the one pairing nobody believes. Written to fill a prompt on the st kink meme that asked for "rare pairings". Rated M for Chapter 5, which has a rather weird pairing.
1. Chapter 1: Pavel Chekov and Janice Rand

**Disclaimer: **Star Trek and its characters belong to Paramount, I'm just playing with them.

**Author's Note: **This was written to answer a prompt on the LJ st_xi_kink_meme that asked for

"obscure pairings". Well, some of them are more rare than others.

Rated M for Chapter 5. The coupling there IS a bit weird.

**1. Pavel Chekov/ Janice Rand**: FUN

Pavel is almost 18. Janice is a non-com, she went to Starfleet Technical. She's 20.

They are among the youngest crew members (well, Pavel IS the youngest person aboard ship). They saw each other every day on the bridge, when Janice brought the captain the PADDs he had to sign. Pavel started sending little text messages from his console to Janice' PADD, and after Janice figured out how to do it, she started texting back (she's very clever!).

She calls him Pasha, he calls her Jan. It's great to have somebody who has the same taste in music, anime, and video games. The closest Pasha ever came to insubordination was when Dr. McCoy called that totally awesome song by his favorite Belgian boy group "stupid teeny music". But then, Old People never really understand cool music, not even in Russia.

So, Jan and Pasha meet after shift in his quarters, listen to music, watch holos, play games, eat replicated ice cream, and talk about the future, when Jan will go to the Academy and Pasha will become a captain. And they have lots of sex – because even if the captain and the others sometimes seem to think they're babies, they're not.

For Pasha and Jan, sex is another fun part of the Great Adventure called Life.

They are very young.


	2. Chapter 2: Hikaru Sulu and Gaila

**2. Hikaru Sulu/ Gaila**: BOLDLY GOING

To him, to live is to move ever forward: steering the big ship through the Galaxy or charging at the enemy, sword in hand.

When she came to his fencing class, he soon realized that she felt the same way.

Now, they have their private work-out scheduled, once a week. Most times they use swords, sometimes the Orion daggers she has taught him to use, and a few times it was just her razor-sharp nails against his dagger. They always duel until First Blood. Green Orion blood has a more peppery taste than a human's. That, of course, is not strictly regulation, but Gaila has found a damaged dermal regenerator and fixed it, so they don't have to bother McCoy about every little thing, except for the one time Hikaru's left clavicle got broken.

When they have sex, the regenerator comes in handy, because love-making is another, sweet kind of doing battle to them, the sort where both opponents win and lose at the same time. Hikaru now visits Gaila, because she's afraid to damage more of his plants after what happened to Miss Joachim, the liana that lived in the hanging pot. Even if Hikaru can think of nothing sexier than a naked Orion on a ladder, wearing only a welder's apron, gloves and goggles (that day the clavicle incident occurred).

But they don't have sex all the time, not even every time. Often, they just sit side by side, nursing a cup of tea or a stronger drink, their shoulders touching. Maybe he tells her one of the old samurai stories, maybe he listens to a tale about the War of the Clan Queens she heard as a child or they are simply quiet, content with sharing the silence. They both know that such moments will not last, that they will have to move again, to fight again, but until then it's good to relax and find the quiet center.

Hikaru knows this because he is a warrior at heart. And so is she.


	3. Chapter 3: Scotty and Christine Chapel

**3. Montgomery Scott/ Christine Chapel**: GOOD TIMES

It didn't take Scotty long to figure out why he found her voice so alluring. When he asked her, Christine freely admitted that she had supplied the voice sample after which the synthetic computer voice was modeled. She was a pre-med student then, and it was an easy way to make some money. Since then, Scotty has twiddled with the programming a wee bit, so now the ship's computer sounds even more like Christine, but still, no one else seems to notice, not even Nyota.

When she told him about her ex-fiancé, Roger, Scotty started to have hopes, because that meant she wasn't totally adverse to relationships with men who were some years her elders. Personally, Scotty thinks that Roger, for all his high IQ and education (Christine learned some things about robotics and androids from him) must have been an idiot, dumping a girl like Christine and running off into space, only to go missing, presumed dead. And a bore. So, Scotty made it his special project to convince Christine of the fact that men his age could be exciting, too. And because Scotty is nothing if not tenacious, the project was a success.

In his opinion, they are the perfect match:

He fixes whatever is broken on the ship, she fixes broken crew. And, to the best of their abilities, they make sure that those in their charge stay in top shape, which is why they're not amused when the captain puts the ship and the crew at risk. But now they can let off some steam together as soon as the crisis is over.

They're both hands-on people: What they do best is to solve a problem by using their hands and tools like hypos and sonic screwdrivers.

Christine is a lady for sure, but she's also a girl who can hold her drink and appreciates a good joke. Once, when Scotty decided a bit too late the one he had started to tell wasn't appropriate for her to hear, she took offense and told him some of the jokes she had heard at Medical School. One of them made Scotty actually blush – but was very, very funny.

They both like to cook. (Of course Scotty can cook: constructing something new out of a lot of different parts is always fun!) He is especially good at making pot roasts, salads and sandwiches, and Christine knows how to cook a great Plomeek soup, among other dishes.

The best times they're having are when they invite some friends from Engineering and Medical, and maybe a few others, like Pavel and Nyota, over, and share some fine food and drinks, good talks and some laughs, and maybe a song or two with them. And afterwards, have their own special dessert. Or several.

Sometimes Scotty finds it hard to believe how great everything has become, all thanks to his two beautiful ladies: he now has Her of the Ample Nacelles to keep him occupied and challenge him all day long, and his girl Christine to keep him warm at night.

Life is good.


	4. Chapter 4: Leonard McCoy and Nyota Uhura

**4. Leonard McCoy/ Nyota Uhura: **SECRETS

He's a physician, not a psychologist, but he knows enough to understand that witnessing one partner's mother, then his planet and almost his whole species dying might saddle a relationship, especially a new one, with more emotional baggage than the partners could possibly handle. But he only understands this in theory, from a doctor's point of view. Leonard McCoy the man feels that Spock is a green-blooded dumbass, and should have tried much harder. Even if he knows that this is a bit hypocritical, given his own track record in that regard. Well, Spock's loss is his gain.

He had admired her since their Academy days. Just watching her walking down the Academy stairs reminded him of an African fairy tale he had read as a young boy, about a lioness who took human form and went to live with a tribal chief. They had attended some classes together that were part of the mandatory officer's training for scientists and medical personnel, and participated in a debate or two. He found her to be capable of logical thinking, eloquent (as befitted a xenolinguist), and unlikely to be bullied into submission if she believed she was in the right. But not counting that, all their conversations had been "Is that seat taken?"-style.

Dorm parties and bar-crawling with Jim sure were fun, but he had already done that when he was studying medicine. Sometimes he needed a different kind of entertainment, and that was when he learned Nyota's first name. It was printed in the program whenever she sang a solo at the Academy Chorale Ensemble's concerts. He didn't tell Jim, though. He thought it was healthier for Jim not to get lucky with every girl he hit on – or else his ego could explode. He had actually expected the two of them to get together at some point, and was a bit surprised when that never happened. Jim, obviously, never devoted his full energy to pursuing Nyota, and she, as it turned out, had had other plans. Which, in the end, failed miserably.

So, when she needed the proverbial shoulder to cry on, Leonard was there for her. Not that she ever cried when they talked. But sometimes she got a distant look in her eyes or fell suddenly silent, when some seemingly innocuous topic came up in conversation: a certain restaurant in San Francisco, or a piece of classical music, or even some scientific theory.

They started to have lunch together in the officer's mess. Assisting her emotional healing was not a chore at all, as she was pleasant company. One day, he laughed out loud about something she had said, and was puzzled when a lot of people looked at him in surprise. Then he realized that he hadn't done this in a long time. Like in the old Academy days, she was – still is – fun to argue with. As she was an expert in communications, she understood not only the words, but also the meaning behind the words and what was not said in words. Most of the time. Because she understood that while he hardly ever had any difficulties to show his emotions, to express his true feelings in words was another thing, she also accepted his indirect way to admit he hadn't been right. And on the rare occasions that wasn't enough – well, that was when he apologized, because he respected her. It was great exercise for his brain, and he found that he had to replenish his private stash of Bourbon less frequently.

And then the complications started. He caught himself going up to the bridge for information he could have gotten by communicator, just to get a glimpse of Nyota at her station. And staring at her long, beautiful legs whenever he thought she wouldn't notice.

He was raised to act like a gentleman, he would never have taken advantage of her. And he was a doctor, sworn to "first do no harm" – and avoiding her would have hurt her feelings, too.

He didn't know what to do.

Then, one evening when they had met for a drink in his quarters, Nyota solved the problem by taking advantage of him – not that he complained. She almost sounded furious when she asked him how longer he planned to play stupid – right before she kissed him. And then she pushed him onto the bed and rode him so hard he bled a bit. And much later, just before they fell asleep, she really cried on his shoulder and he just held her.

They were discreet, but made no secret of their relationship, either. From some off-hand remarks Jim made, Leonard got the impression that almost the whole ship had thought they had gotten together weeks before they actually did. Which was none of their damn business, anyway.

Because: "Kiss and tell?" – you just don't do that. Good for Jim he got that the first and only time he tried to pump him for details, because Leonard doesn't intend to make "Choke the Captain" a ship's tradition (and has no desire to be court-martialed, either).

Besides, he thinks that you don't have to be Einstein Resurrected to guess that he likes a bit of dirty talking now and then, and that having a lover who speaks about 80 different languages has its benefits when it comes to that. But he doesn't think anybody else needs to know how indescribably hot it is when Nyota snarls at him in guttural Klingon. Or that she confessed she found his accent sexy since they first met. Leonard didn't even know he had an accent, but she is the expert on these things, so …

He isn't sure whether Nyota is aware of how much he loves to watch her sleep, because he doesn't dare to touch her when he does. Because sometimes he has unbidden memories of another time, another woman he watched sleeping, his heart full of youthful delusions and a happiness he couldn't imagine ever to end. In those moments a sudden irrational fear grows inside of him, fear of Nyota not being there anymore in the morning, of her simply vanishing.

That is why he hasn't told a living soul the most beautiful dream he's ever had: It was him and Joanna, sitting at a pick nick table on a summer's day, drinking fruit punch and laughing when Joanna's younger brother protests to his mother wiping a blob of ice cream off his toffee-colored little nose.

That is his deepest secret.


	5. Chapter 5: Spock and Keenser

**Author's Note:** Keenser is female here for narrative reasons. And, uhm, because I thought giving Keenser's species an owl's neck on top of an armadillo's spine would be a bit much.

**5. Spock/ Keenser:** PRIVATE PLEASURES

It was obvious to him that Keenser was a woman when she first came aboard. He was bewildered that nobody else seemed to notice. In the medical part of her file her sex was listed as "female", of course, but obviously nobody read that far, save for Dr. McCoy, who still, in the beginning, spoke of her as "it".

It took Spock a certain amount of time to come to a logical explanation for his human crew mates' apparent lack of perception: Keenser's species didn't have a highly developed voice apparatus. She preferred to communicate through sign language and written word. Her normal form of communication was telepathy, but humans couldn't receive her broadcasts, even Spock himself could only subconsciously perceive her telepathic "aura", at least at a distance.

Still, he wondered if Commander Scott, who had spent months with Keenser on Delta Vega, hadn't noticed. But this question was answered negatively when one day Spock had reason to point out that Cmdr. Scott's repeated manhandling of Keenser - who was in the habit of climbing up scaffolding in the engine room to enhance her field of vision – was not appropriate conduct with female crew. Mr. Scott's turning an unusual shade of crimson and his lengthy apologies lead to the conclusion that there was indeed a 93.7% probability he hadn't been aware of Keenser's gender. No further intervention from Spock's side had ever been necessary since then.

But that incident also had another, most fascinating consequence. 2.7 days later, when they passed by each other in a corridor, Keenser brushed her hand against his. The telepathic images she sent were not only clear and distinct, but also explicit: Keenser let him know she was attracted to him and wished for them to mate. Fortunately, the corridor was otherwise empty, so there were no witnesses to the First Officer's undignified stumbling. When he had caught himself, Keenser had entered the turbo lift, without waiting for his reply.

Spock decided to give the matter some thought. He was, as the Terran expression went, "a free man", and found the prospect of indefinitely continued celibacy if not depressing, not very appealing either. He hadn't been bonded as a child, and the current dearth of single Vulcan females of matching age made it unlikely that he could find a bond mate on New Vulcan. As for his duty to the survival of the Vulcan species, there was no direct connection to the issue at hand. He had informed the Elders of his willingness to donate genetic samples to the Vulcan sperm banks. So far he hadn't received a request, so maybe his half-Vulcan genes were not needed to maintain genetic diversity. (And if they were indeed needed, but the Elders chose not to admit this out of bigotry, then, in his opinion, they could proceed to commit selfcest.)

Therefore, the logical alternative was for him to find a mate of another species, temporarily or permanently, preferably here on the ship. But nearly all persons he would consider potential mates were already in more or less stable relationships. If, hypothetically spoken, Nyota were interested in "giving it another try" (which, at least for the time being, she wasn't), he calculated only a 9.7% probability of a more positive outcome, and a 73.2% one that their current level of professional and social interactions would be irreparably damaged by a negative one. Even an uncalled for proposal from his side could yield this unwanted result, the probability being 38.4%. These were risks Spock was unwilling to take, so he resolved to accept Keenser's suggestions, should she approach him again. He didn't have to wait long.

Being partnered with another touch telepath has its advantages for a Vulcan. They can have long silent conversations just touching one or two fingers. Keenser's mind is, for the most part, a pleasantly ordered place, and her level of control is high, both when it comes to entering another mind and letting her own be read. Her understanding of mathematics and multi-dimensional geometry is rivaled only by Ensign Chekov's, at least on the Enterprise. These are topics that are best discussed without the aid of verbalization, anyway, so their telepathic contacts are very productive in that regard, which has lead to both of them being assigned to several projects of the Engineering and Science departments together. Spock feels that his efficiency has increased. Additionally, he is no longer confronted with demands to show his emotions or to talk about them – there is no need for that, as Keenser simply knows they are there and what they are. Spock hasn't had so little difficulty behaving in a proper Vulcan way in years. Unexpectedly, his relationship with his new alien mate has made him a better Vulcan.

That is not, however, the reason he is wearing Vulcan robes more frequently when not on duty. Keenser may be an accomplished engineer and mathematician, but she is also a tease. She finds great amusement in sending him sexually suggestive messages and images, especially in public places like the mess hall. Of course, she stops this immediately if he asks her to do so, but most of the times he doesn't want her to. Hence, the robes, which are more practical when it comes to concealing uncontrollable erections.

Spock is rather sure that almost all of his human crew mates are lacking the imagination to even suspect that there is a sexual aspect to their relationship. (With the possible exception of the CMO, who has recently started to refer to Keenser as "your Head Six". Spock still hasn't found the source of this obscure reference.) This is perfectly fine by Spock, who does not plan to discuss it.

Keenser's skin may look rocky, but in fact most of her body is covered in horn, like a tortoise's, which is smooth and elastic and warm to the touch. Still, there are little ridges here and there, which might leave tiny cuts to his skin on contact. He often shifts his position during sex on purpose to make this happen, as he has found this sensation to be particularly arousing.

Keenser's species is classified as "armadilloid", therefore her spine is extremely bendable. Spock is a scientist, so does his research, and his estimations are nearly always correct, but he was totally surprised and overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings and bodily reactions the one night she proved this to him by stimulating his anus with her tongue while he simultaneously performed vaginal coitus with her. For the first time in his adult life, he has no misgivings concerning the prospect of Pon Farr, but has to admit to a certain degree of anticipation.

He is well aware that many among his crew mates would consider some of the details of his relationship with Keenser "kinky", but he has to disagree: if two persons have consented to a sexual relationship, using every means available to achieve mutual satisfaction is only logical, not kinky.

Okay, maybe a little bit.


	6. Chapter 6: James T Kirk

…AND THE ONE PAIRING NOBODY BELIEVES

**6. James T. Kirk:** THE MAN WHO SLEEPS ALONE

Nobody on the ship believes it, even his friends, those who know him best, seem to have their doubts, but since he has taken command of the Enterprise six months ago, Captain James T. Kirk has spent every night alone in his quarters.

It isn't a physical thing. Sure, in the first few days, when he needed to get used to the sheer amount of his new duties, he was exhausted at the day's end. But now he has found his pace, and his young body is healthy, strong and, as the med computer likes to call it, "fully functional", thank you.

It isn't out of remorse for sins of his past. There aren't any. He has been with a lot of women, some men, and, at the Academy, a few beings who didn't fall in either category. All of them have given him joy and pleasure, and he has tried his best to give them the same. There were things he could have handled better, but there is nothing he has to be ashamed of.

It isn't lack of opportunity, not exactly. He has never taken what wasn't given willingly and freely, and will keep it this way. He would never play the "captain card", or, for that matter, try to break up other people's relationships just to get some fun. Both would be dishonorable. Not that Jim uses big words like that when it comes to friendship and sex, but that is how he feels, who he is.

But he knows there are many on this ship who would come to him (in some cases, again), if he just said a word. Of course there are regulations, too, he knows and respects them. But if he was sure it was the right to do for him and his partner(s)? Regulations, shmegulations. That's who Jim is, too.

It is just that he has a feeling that has learned and experienced nearly everything there was to learn when it comes to sex. (He hasn't had a long-lasting relationship yet, that's true, but that is something else and you can't plan for that, can you?) For now, there are other kinds of adventure that call to his insatiable curiosity and energy, that are even more exciting to explore: being a captain, and this new ship, new worlds, new life forms, all those wonderful, unknown things to discover and learn.

This is how he feels now, and it doesn't worry him, because in his heart he knows he won't feel this way forever. He will meet someone who will make him change his mind, maybe tomorrow night, or in the next weeks or months. He will know.

But for now, James T. Kirk sleeps alone.


End file.
